Recently our friends at Stanley Cup of Chowder use XKCD's Emojic 8 Ball on new Boston Bruins general manager Don Sweeney, and I thought hockey fans in the Valley should benefit from the same prophetic wisdom.
Surely, there are many pressing issues surrounding the Arizona Coyotes that no one has answers to. What better way to decipher the future than ask an online magic 8 ball that uses a random assortment of emojis as answers?
So, let's get right into it, starting with the upcoming NHL Draft. Who will the Coyotes select at No. 3?
It looks like we have some sort of fax machine, a dentist's chair and a diamond. Judging from the first two, I'd say the process is going to be a slow and painful one, but the end result will yield riches for the Coyotes, whether that player is Dylan Strome, Mitch Marner, Noah Hanifin or someone else. All in all, this is good news.
The team is going to need new third jerseys next season. What other changes are in store? Magic 8 ball, what about the Coyotes jerseys?
Of course, everyone is curious about what the Coyotes will do regarding its jerseys for the 2015-16 season. We know there will be new alternates, as well as the possibility of new home and road sets.
The black cloud makes me think of mystery, but also the possibility that the new thirds could be black (Kachina throwbacks?) and the ice cream cone represents that the changes will be refreshing. The thumbs up is rather self-explanatory, showing that whatever changes the Coyotes make will be widely accepted.
Moving on: What about some player personnel? Will Shane Doan return?
This one is a bit more confusing. It interprets as Doan will get a call from another team, laugh at Coyotes fans and then start anew in a sort of rebirth process (hence the flower). But since this one is sort of tricky, let's try it again.
Now this is much more promising. The feeling is Doan will remain in the desert, and it will be a true holiday for all hockey fans in the Valley.
But there is still one looming question everyone wants answered. Will the Coyotes relocate soon? Let's see what the 8 ball has to say.
Bad news, Coyotes fans. This has "casino" written all over it, hence the dice, and the guess here is the team is inevitably headed to Las Vegas. Perhaps the new arena will be located near the city's Chinatown?
So there you have it: the future of the Arizona Coyotes revealed to you exclusively at Five For Howling. If I missed a question important to you, feel free to leave it in the comments.