It's springtime and once again the Phoenix Coyotes have qualified for the postseason. This time as PACIFIC DIVISION CHAMPIONS!!!1 Sorry, I got excited there. Unfortunately there are also 14 teams that didn't qualify at all for the playoffs. Let's have a moment of silence for them please..... Those fans, should they want to watch the playoffs, will need a team to adopt for a couple of months. But how will they decide? And what about those people on the East Coast that want to pick a Western team? Well, I'm about to outline why fans of every team might want to be at least a part-time Coyotes fan this time around...
*(this blog post is meant to be funny. More than likely it will be "funny" instead. We apologize ahead of time for the lame jokes.)
Anaheim Ducks - Traditionally we don't like each other very much. You have Corey Perry on your team and this is a source of much of the scorn lobbed your way. You don't like us because... I have no idea. However do you really want the Kings or Sharks to be in contention for the cup? Aren't you pretty happy being the only California team with one? The enemy of my enemy is my... something or other.
Boston Bruins - That Keith Yandle is wicked awesome!
Buffalo Sabres - What else do you have to do? You live in Buffalo. Besides, who else are you going to cheer for? Philly? C'mon.
Calgary Flames - Jarome Iginla would want you to cheer for Shane Doan.
Carolina Hurricanes - Remember Ray Whitney? He's a pretty cool guy right? Right? Right.
Chicago Blackhawks - You'd really rather be golfing. Or watching the Cubs season end this week. Also, you'd rather Toews played a game again right? Raffi, show them what happens to guys who come back too early...
Colorado Avalanche - We gave you that awesome Peter Mueller kid.
Columbus Blue Jackets - After beating us 3 times this year it's the least you could do.
Dallas Stars - To make up for that jerk Derian Hatcher.
Detroit Red Wings - Because this is all a giant conspiracy to get the Coyotes into the finals after eliminating the Red Wings! In fact, I'll bet that's why they let you score the other night, that way you couldn't stop this evil plot against you! That devious NHL...
Edmonton Oilers - The Coyotes have a pretty decent Fenwick when they're able to get the zone start matchups they want. Qualcomp is good and you like Martin Hanzal. Man you wish you offer sheeted that guy. STUPID TAMBO! Corsi, advanced +/-, blah blah.
Florida Panthers - Throwers of plastic animal items have to stick together.
Los Angeles Kings - You already hate Jeff Carter and want to see him lose.
Minnesota Wild - We really hate the Red Wings. A lot. A lot a lot.
Montreal Canadiens - Did you know Carey Price and Shane Doan are cousins?! So if you like Carey Price you at least kind of like Shane Doan just by association. That's just science.
Nashville Predators - Jim Balsille sucks! AMIRIGHT?!
New Jersey Devils - So many of your former "fine upstanding citizens" have been "relocated" here. Don't mind that they're using different names or anything.
New York Islanders - If we win the cup we can make an even better argument about not moving a team that's won it together.
New York Rangers - Just look at all those successful players we traded to you! Enver Lisin, Wojtek Wolski, Derek Morris that one time...
Philadelphia Flyers - I'm sure I could think of about 10 million reasons you should cheer for the Coyotes. Or not.
Pittsburgh Penguins - Once we have a real owner we'll be pretty similar to you. Almost moved, then won a cup, got a lot more attention, etc. Also way to take out trademarked whiteout iand use it but not call it a whiteout.
Ottawa Senators - We
unloaded traded Kyle Turris to you. That's gotta be worth something right?
San Jose Sharks - It's not like you hate us or anything. In fact a lot of your fans seem to like us already. If you can't get past the Blues then you can always cheer us on.
St. Louis Blues - We have fairly cheap beer.
Tampa Bay Lightning - Southern Markets have to stick together? Rick Tochett? Um... We're just likable? I don't really have anything there.
Toronto Maple Leafs - THAT SHANE DOAN IS A GOOD CANADIAN BOY THAT'S BEEN LOYAL TO CANADA AND TO HIS TEAM! LET'S GOOOOO!
Vancouver Canucks - Phoenix already feels like it's on fire half the time. The work is already done for you.
Washington Capitals - You owe us for all the freakin' times we've had to watch that highlight reel goal of Ovie scoring on his back. It's literally the least you could do.
Winnipeg Jets - Don't. We don't like you anyhow.